Have you ever joined a 9:00 a.m. meeting where one person shows up at 8:50, another at 9:10… and everyone believes they’re on time? It sounds small. But moments like that reveal something bigger. The team doesn’t actually share the same expectations.
And when expectations aren’t clear, frustration starts to creep in. People get annoyed. Communication breaks down. And suddenly you’re spending more time managing tension than doing the work. Let’s talk about why that happens and how team norms can fix it.
The Center for Creative Leadership defines norms as rules or operating principles that shape how team members interact.
In practice, they can look like things such as:
- We start meetings on time.
- We come prepared.
- We deliver work on time—or communicate ahead of time if we won’t.
- If we’re frustrated with a colleague, we speak to them directly instead of gossiping.
Simple things. But powerful. Because most team breakdowns don’t come from bad intentions. They come from unclear expectations.
The Problem Most Teams Don’t Notice
Here’s what I see happen again and again when I work with teams. They spend all their time talking about the work. Deadlines. Deliverables. Projects. But they almost never step back and talk about how they work together.
And that’s where many of the problems start. Every team already has norms—spoken or unspoken. The issue is that people often assume their norms are shared… when they aren’t.
A Few Questions Worth Asking Your Team
Before you start setting norms, it helps to step back and reflect.
Ask yourself—and your team:
- What spoken or unspoken norms already exist on our team?
- Are there standards some people follow but others don’t?
- What patterns of behavior do we see that frustrate people?
- Have we ever intentionally talked about how we want to work together?
For many teams, the honest answer to that last question is… No. And that’s okay. It just means there’s an opportunity.
Step One: Make Space for the Conversation
The first step in establishing team norms is simple. You have to schedule the conversation. And I mean actually schedule it. This isn’t something you squeeze into the first 10 minutes of a meeting. If norms haven’t been clearly defined before, you may need multiple conversations over time.
Some of the areas teams often explore include:
- Time and availability
- Communication methods
- Meeting behavior
- How disagreements are handled
- Decision-making processes
- How team members support one another
You don’t have to solve everything at once. Pick one area and start there.
A Simple Way to Start the Conversation
Let’s say the issue is communication after hours. You might open the conversation like this:
“I’ve noticed I’ve been sending emails late at night or early in the morning. I personally don’t mind doing that—but I realize it may create pressure for others to respond. I’d love for us to step back and talk about what works best for everyone.”
Then ask the team: What standards would support you best? Some people may say they like working when they’re most productive even if that’s late at night. Others may say they want to fully disconnect after work. Both perspectives are valid. The goal isn’t to agree on preferences. The goal is to agree on what we’ll do as a team.
Don’t Forget the “What If” Conversation
Once you suggest a standard, something interesting usually happens. People start raising exceptions.
“What if there’s an emergency?”
“What if the client needs something right away?”
“What if we’re approaching a big deadline?”
This is actually an important part of the process. Whenever you set a norm, you also want to talk through the assumptions and exceptions.
For example:
Maybe your team agrees that communication happens during business hours—say 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. But emergencies are handled differently. Or perhaps messages can be written after hours, but scheduled to send the next morning. Talking through these scenarios helps make the standard realistic.
The Four Things That Make Norms Stick
Setting norms is important. But maintaining them is where the real work happens. In my experience, teams that succeed with norms tend to do four things consistently.
1. Live Them
If you’re the leader, or really any member of the team, you have to model the behavior. If you’re running late to a meeting, communicate. If you accidentally send an email outside working hours, acknowledge it. Norms only work when people see them in action.
2. Talk About Them
Every so often, pause and check in. Maybe every six or ten meetings, ask: “On a scale of 1–10, how well are we living our team norms?” Then ask what’s working and what needs adjusting.
3. Enforce Them
Sometimes norms need a gentle reminder. If the team agreed not to use laptops during meetings and suddenly everyone has one open, it’s okay to say something. Not in a punitive way. Just a quick reminder of the agreement. Because when norms aren’t reinforced, they slowly disappear.
4. Celebrate Them
This step often gets overlooked. When someone lives the team norms—call it out. Maybe someone communicates early that they’re behind on a deadline. You may not love the delay, but you can still say:
“I really appreciate you communicating ahead of time. That helps the whole team.”
What we recognize tends to repeat itself.
One More Thing Worth Noticing
If people repeatedly violate a norm, it’s worth asking a deeper question. Is the problem the person… or the system?
For example:
If people are constantly working during meetings, maybe the meeting itself isn’t useful. Sometimes improving norms also requires improving the way work is designed.
A Simple First Step You Can Try This Week
If this idea resonates, here’s a small action you can take. Take a few minutes and list the spoken and unspoken norms on your team. Which ones do people follow? Which ones cause frustration?
Then invite your team to spend part of your next meeting discussing one area—maybe meetings, communication, or availability. Start small. Build from there. Because when teams take time to define how they work together, something powerful happens. They spend less time working against each other… And more time working with each other.
If your team could benefit from stepping back from the work and having a thoughtful conversation about how you work together, I’d love to help. Feel free to reach out and start the conversation.
