Whether it’s the start of the new year, or you’re simply tired and find that you’re spending more time navigating around people than actually working with them, sometimes it’s a signal that it’s time to take stock of our relationships and do a bit of a relationship reset.
The new year is a great time to do it (and honestly, you can do it any time of year).
I’ve spent a lot of time running retreats with teams—sometimes to get teams that aren’t talking to open up lines of communication, and sometimes just to help teams take their communication to the next level. And there’s a pattern I often notice. When teams have a regular cadence of connecting—not just talking about the work, but taking time to talk about how they’re working together—communication tends to stay open.
But as we get busy, as we get stressed, and as we get siloed, what often happens is we unintentionally neglect our relationships. Tension builds. Frustration builds. Miscommunication builds. And instead of taking time to have the conversations—often because we feel too busy—we put them off. Over time, that frustration turns into avoidance.
I was recently communicating with a team I’ll be working with later this year. We won’t have a retreat for a couple more months, so I sent out a simple exercise that might also be helpful for you—whether you’re starting a new year or you just need a reset in your relationships.
Taking Stock of Our Relationships
Here’s a simple activity you can do.
Take out a sheet of paper or open up an Excel spreadsheet and write down the names of the people you work with the most. I’d start with your peers—the people you work most closely with—then the people you manage, and then people in other departments.
Next to each name, write one letter:
- O if communication feels open
- D if communication feels disconnected
- C if communication feels closed—meaning there’s something incomplete or unresolved
This isn’t about labeling people or judging the relationship. It’s just about being honest about where things are.
Instead of carrying that forward, what if you used the start of the year as an invitation to reset?
If a relationship has an O next to it, the goal is simple: keep it open. Find time to connect and maintain those lines of communication. Talk about your holidays, what you’re excited about this year, or what’s coming up in the months ahead. These don’t have to be big conversations—just regular moments of connection.
If a relationship feels disconnected, do the same thing, but be more intentional about it. Find time to say something like, “Hey, we didn’t really get a chance to connect at the end of the year, and I just wanted to take a few minutes to do that.” That might mean stopping by their desk, setting up a short check-in, or reaching out in a way that feels natural—but the key is making the effort.
And if there’s a C next to a name, use this as an opportunity to get clearer on what’s actually going on. There’s likely something incomplete or unresolved, and the goal is to open up the dialogue rather than continue carrying it forward.
Below is a simple way to better understand where that frustration may be coming from, so you can identify what’s really going on and help move the conversation forward.
Where Frustration Usually Comes From
In my experience, most relationship strain comes from one (or more) of three things:
- An undelivered communication
Something we wanted to say but never came back to. - A thwarted intention
We tried to help or support someone, and it didn’t land the way we expected. - An unfulfilled expectation
We expected someone to show up, respond, or jump in without ever saying what we needed.
Here’s the key thing to remember:
Most of the time, these are things we own.
And ownership sounds like:
- “I didn’t speak up when I got frustrated.”
- “I made an assumption instead of asking what you needed.”
- “I expected you to know, and I never said it out loud.”
Those kinds of statements tend to open conversations and not shut them down.
A Simple Reset Conversation
For relationships that feel a little off, a reset doesn’t have to be dramatic or awkward. Sometimes it sounds as simple as:
“As we start the new year, I want to reset our relationship. I know we may not have connected as much toward the end of last year, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page. I’m committed to us working well together.”
No blame.
No replaying every detail.
Just clarity, ownership, and a clean slate.
As we move into this year, my hope is that we don’t spend our time navigating around one another, but actually working with one another.
If you want to help your leaders reset their relationships and nutrure a culture of appreciation within your organization, you can always contact me here or explore my programs here.
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