Have you ever tried asking for feedback at work… and all you hear is:
“Good job.”
“Keep doing what you’re doing.”
And while that sounds nice, you know there are ways you can learn and grow. You know you can develop. So you’re left thinking:
Why am I not getting anything useful?
Well, it may not be that people don’t have things to share. It may be the way we’re asking.
In this article (you can also watch on YouTube below if you prefer video), I want to walk you through:
- Why most feedback conversations go wrong
- Three rules that make open, honest feedback easier and safer
- When to ask and who to ask
- And what to do once you get feedback so you actually learn from it
If you’d like more practical insights like this, scroll down and subscribe to The Nudge, where I share simple tools to help you grow and strengthen relationships at work.
Why Feedback Conversations So Often Go Wrong
Many times, when we ask for feedback, we unintentionally make it very hard for the other person to be honest and helpful.
Here are three common reasons why.
We Ask Questions That Are Too Vague
One of the first things we do is ask questions like:
“Do you have any feedback for me?”
That’s a really hard question to answer.
Is that feedback on your last presentation? Your report? How you’re doing in general? What it’s like to work with you every day? When the question isn’t specific, people don’t know where to start. So they give you a safe answer.
We’ve Responded Poorly in the Past
Sometimes people have tried to give us feedback before.
And when they did:
- We got defensive
- We got angry
- We spent time proving why they were wrong
- We said, “That’s not true”
So now, they’re less likely to try again.
They’ve learned:
It’s not safe to be honest here.
We Put People on the Spot
Another mistake is asking for feedback when someone is busy, distracted, or unprepared. They’re in the middle of work. They haven’t had time to think. So again, you get the easy answer. If any of this sounds familiar, don’t worry. There’s a better way.
Three Rules for Asking for Feedback at Work
Let’s talk about three rules that make feedback easier, safer, and more useful.
Rule #1: Be Specific
Don’t just ask for general feedback. Ask about something concrete.
For example:
“What’s one thing you liked about that last presentation, and what’s one tip to take it to the next level?”
“What’s one thing I may do without realizing it that slows down work on our team?”
“What’s one recommendation you’d give me to improve this?”
If there’s a specific interaction or meeting you’re thinking about, ask about that.
And here’s a great tip: Write your question down and send it ahead of time. That gives people time to think.
Rule #2: Make It Safe to Be Open and Honest
If you’ve struggled with feedback in the past, acknowledge it. You might say:
“I know I haven’t always been great at accepting feedback, but today I’m really open to your input.”
You can also say:
“Nothing you share today is going to hurt my feelings. I really want to learn.”
If you’re a leader, remember there’s a power dynamic. So let people know: “This isn’t about evaluation. It’s not about being right or wrong. I just want to grow.” When you do this, you help create psychological safety on your team.
Rule #3: Make It Easy to Answer
This rule builds on the first two. Make it easy for people to respond. One way is to send your questions ahead of time. Another is to use a simple “pulse check” question.
For example:
“On a scale of 1 to 10, how engaging was that last meeting?”
If they say “7,” that’s often a safe answer.
So you can follow up:
“I was thinking more like a 6. What made it a 7?”
“What would have made it an 8?”
Now you’re having a real conversation.
When Is the Best Time to Ask for Feedback?
Some of the best moments to ask are:
- At the midpoint of a project
- After a presentation
- After a client interaction
- After a challenging situation
Don’t wait for performance reviews. Ask while things are still fresh.
Who Should You Ask?
Don’t limit yourself to your boss. Some of the most useful feedback comes from:
- Your peers
- People you manage
- Colleagues in other departments
They often see things you don’t. And asking for their feedback shows that you value them and see them as part of your growth.
If you’d like more ideas like this, make sure you’re subscribed to The Nudge below.
What To Do Once You Get Feedback
Getting feedback is only helpful if you do something with it. Here are three things that matter:
Always Say Thank You
Thank people in the moment. Then follow up later with a message: “Thank you for taking the time to share that with me.” Even if the feedback was hard to hear.
Don’t Get Defensive
While they’re sharing:
Don’t argue.
Don’t explain.
Don’t correct.
Ask questions. Get curious. Remember, you’re hearing their perspective.
Tell Them What You’re Going To Do
This is critical. Say something like: “That idea you shared really helped. I’m going to try that in our next meeting.” And then follow through. That’s how trust gets built.
A Simple Shift That Changes Everything
If you’ve been asking for feedback and hearing: “Good job. Keep doing what you’re doing.” Try asking different questions.
Make it safer.
Make it clearer.
Make it easier.
And see what changes.
One Final Thought
Learning how to ask for feedback well is really about learning how to have better conversations.
It’s about:
- Understanding people
- Creating safety
- Staying curious
- Being open to learning
And that’s what great leaders do.
If you want help facilitating these conversations, strengthening relationships, or creating experiences where people don’t just listen to a speaker, but listen to one another, I’d love to support you. You can learn more about my programs or reach out directly at BeyondThankYou.com.
And if you’d like more insights like this, scroll down and subscribe to The Nudge. Thank you for being the kind of leader who’s willing to learn, reflect, and grow.
